5 Things Every Marriage Needs

So we've found our mate and promised to love each other all the days of our lives, ushering in the "live happily ever after" part of the story. But it's not just about the fairy tale. Marriage, like all worthy endeavors, requires sacrifice. Sharing our most intimate selves, living spaces, goals and dreams, involves a hefty commitment. Inevitably, there will be disagreements, difficult compromises, and new responsibilities with each party making mistakes that hurt the other. Cultivating a lasting, loving relationship will take years and will forever be changing. There will be good days and bad days -- however, it's the bad days that really strengthen the bond of marriage, proving to ourselves and our partner that our relationship is worth the work.

What happy couples know

1. Change What You Can, Yourself

The inescapable truth is that no one will ever be 100% of what we are looking for in a mate. When we choose our partner, it is because we have found someone who fits much of what we want and we consider ourselves fortunate to have gotten so close to perfection. But then, in some part of our minds, we think perhaps he/she will change or that perhaps we can help our partner to alter those few things about them that we wish were different. This is most assuredly not going to happen, and the sooner we realize this, the less time and energy we'll waste. As mature adults we have well defined personalities that rarely change much. All we can do is alter how we react to our significant other, along with how we see things, thus appreciating our loved one and accepting him or her, imperfections and all.

2. Compromise is King

When two independent people make the intimate journey required by marriage, there are bound to be mishaps along the way. Interests, habits, lifestyles, comfort zones, sense of humor, etc. all play a part in the grand scheme of compromise necessary to a successful marriage. It's not just us in our lives anymore, a dynamic we must respect and consider with every important decision we make. As a team, we must work on recognizing that it's not about always being "right" but about finding a solution that benefits the relationship.

3. Don't Lose Yourself

When we choose that one person to be with, we can easily feel like that we must share everything with them, and spend most of our time together. While this may seem hopelessly romantic, it is not practical. As individuals, it is important to cherish our individuality and to foster relationships and interests outside of our marriage. That's not to say that we can't enjoy many experiences with our mate, but that we keep a healthy balance between our relationship and our lives outside of our marriage.

4. Healthy Marriages Are Based on Two Whole People

Couples need to be complete in themselves before joining their lives with another if they want any chance for the marriage to succeed. A couple should complement one another, not complete one another, accenting and enhancing each other's lives. Great marriages are created by constant work and devotion towards improving the relationship, as individuals as well as a pair, each with their own unique strengths and weaknesses that make up that special relationship.

5. Your Happiness Must Reside in YOU

Finding happiness in our lives must always come from within and not be reliant on outside sources, and this includes our partner. If we are not being true to ourselves or progressing positively in our lives, we can quickly become unhappy. It is easier to look outside ourselves to explain our unhappiness, or to find a solution to ease our personal discontent. Often, our partners are the first thing we latch on to. After all, they are there to support us in our times of need, right? In this case, wrong. It is up to us to search deep within ourselves to find the goal, lifestyle, and inner strength that creates our happiness, just as it is up to our partners to do the same for themselves.

Intimacy - Men and Women Pespective

Intimacy is the closeness of your relationship with your spouse - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually, and in many other ways. Intimacy is not an end, but rather a journey that lasts throughout your marriage. It can have different meanings for men and women. However, all human beings have the basic need to be intimate and close with another person. Women are often portrayed as having the desire for emotional intimacy, while men are portrayed as only having a desire for sexual intimacy.

Both men and women share the basic need to be intimate with their wives and husbands. However, what this means from both a sexual and emotional standpoint, is somewhat different for men and women. Therefore, typically men and women enter marriage with different beliefs and expectations about giving and receiving affection. Having a basic understanding of such differences is important so that misunderstanding, frustrations, and anger can be avoided.
It's been said that, typically, men give love and commitment in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical affection and sex in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said that men typically hunger for sex, while women hunger for romance. Men initially give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs; while women initially give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.

Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured, before they begin to be aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy. For women, emotional intimacy is at least as important as the act of sexual intercourse. Men often need to be sexually aroused, before they can truly feel and express love. It's through sexual activity that men are emotionally and physically fulfilled. Sexual activity often enables men to become aware of their wives' need for love and emotional support.

Unless partners understand such differences (and others) between men and women, it can be difficult or frustrating for them to find a common ground, so that the emotional and physical desires and needs of both can be fulfilled. Understanding each other's feelings and expectations regarding intimacy (in all its dimensions) and being intimate is the key.

However, intimacy can take many forms, including the following:

Emotional intimacy
This is the closeness created through sharing feelings. Here the couple is able to share personal feelings, to trust one another, and to feel safe and secure with each other. Emotions can be described as strong instinctive feeling.
Women, generally, understand emotions better than men. The first step to emotional awareness is to pay attention to your feelings, identify them, and think of possible reasons for them. Work on noticing the differences between strong emotions, such as terror and fury, and the differences between more subtle emotions such as anxiety, insecurity, and irritation.
Emotional intimacy can occur, once people know what they are feeling, convey those feelings to each other, and express concern and understanding of their feelings to each other.

Mental or intellectual intimacy
Marriage has a cognitive and planning dimension, which includes sharing thoughts about life, making plans together, and discussing goals. It also involves a mutual understanding about all the important issues in your marriage. Setting goals together is one of the ways to further intellectual intimacy. For example, you might set goals to improve your intimacy, etc.

Spiritual intimacy
Marriage has a spiritual and philosophical dimension that includes sharing spiritual and religious attitudes, behaviours, beliefs, and life experiences. This involves sharing religious beliefs and observing religious practices together, such as praying and worship. As you share spiritual experiences, you will become united in your attitudes and goals.

Recreational & Social Intimacy
This is enjoying activities together, like running, walking, or reading. Watching a TV programme, movie or preparing a meal together can be good ways to build recreational intimacy. Marriage has a social dimension in which the partners enjoy doing things together and spending time together.

Financial or monetary intimacy
The fiscal dimension of marriage deals with decisions and actions concerning earning a living and spending money. This comes with discussing and sharing your finances.

Sexual intimacy
Husband and wife share their physical love for each other, by sharing their bodies and physically becoming one. This is one of the most important dimensions of healthy marital intimacy. Healthy sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that both partners are satisfied with, sexual activities both partners enjoy, and an open dialogue about sex.

It is important to note that a major strength for happily married couples is the quality of the sexual relationship.

Understanding, Relating and Appreciating Your Spouse

Understanding is the key to a happy marriage. It takes good understanding for you to enjoy marriage maximally. When two different individuals get married, it is easy to blame your spouse for problems in the marriage, however both of them have different emotional priorities and trying to understand is crucial to a happy union, you have to understand each others feelings, you will ease frustration, strengthen your marriage and increase your happiness this way. It is important to know that your spouse first belonged to a family and in most cases for over twenty years before you got married to each other so there is no way to change your spouse immediately or in one year and if you are not careful it may take another twenty years! It takes time and understanding each other to really make things work between you two and in the shortest time possible.

Appreciation is another major key. If we appreciate every good thing that our spouse does it encourages them to do more, perform and better, always appreciate the effort of your partners. Give your spouse undivided attention when needed, this makes them feel important. The best way to show appreciation is to show affection in a way that conveys love and respect, the key to a happy marriage is “Don’t cause pain, give pleasure”.Couples should relate well with each other, their relationship should be intimate. Form or cultivate the practice of doing things together e.g eating, praying, playing, training the kids, intimately relating together e.t.c.

1. Realize that your spouse may have different emotional needs or feelings from yours. Once this is established, you can then appreciate and try to understand how to meet those needs.


2. Remember the reason you fell in love with him or her, both of you must meet your emotional needs and it’s important you keep that alive throughout the changes in your marriage.


3. Identify those emotional needs and try not to belittle your spouse’s feelings or needs.


4. Listen to your spouse, this will enable you learn your spouse’s feelings and what he or she is expecting from the relationship.


5. Spend time together, do things that interest you both, make compromises, and share your activities, this must continue no matter how old the marriage is, it keeps the flame burning.


6. Take a few moments each day or night to spend some intimate time alone. It could be as simple as cuddling on the couch or a night of lovemaking.


7. Avoid using hurtful words on each other, always think before you speak, often words said in haste can be hurtful, never both your spouse feelings on the back burner.
   
   If a couple understands each other relate well, appreciate each other it helps resolve family conflict and establish a peaceful, funfilled and happy home.

Right and Wrong Reasons for Marriage

Some people are always so scared of getting married i wonder why? Marriage is the sweetest thing that can ever happen to a man or woman although it has its own ups and down, you should note that your marriage is as a
result of what you want it to be.

The mindset of an individual is very important when it comes to the issue of marriage. Making your marriage work or having a successful marriage has nothing to do with age or even social status. You don't have to be old to be matured , its in your mindset. People get married for various reasons and most of the time they are very wrong reasons for doing so, this is one of the reasons why the rate of divorce and broken home is so high. Lets examine these wrong and right reasons

Wrong Reasons to Get Married

· Want to be free from parents and have a home of your own where you will be in charge.
· To have sex or to curb your lust or even in some cases to avoid pre-marital sex.
· To ease loneliness and have a companion to make you happy or to have someone to share things with.
· To be an adult or to prove a point.
· Because of a pregnancy, not wanting to give birth out of wedlock.
· Getting carried away by emotion and passion without really identifying if its love or lust
· To save or help someone, because you feel pity for the person.
· Because you want a baby and you believe the only way to have one is to get married.
· For money and social status.
· Because all your friends are married and you don't want to feel left out.
· You've always wanted a fancy wedding or have always dreamt of getting married.
· Out of fear that no one else will want to marry you.
. For beauty and physical attributes which might fade with time.
· For immigration purposes.

Right Reasons to Get Married

· You are in love with one another not just a one-sided love where one party is more in love than the other which can lead to heartbreak.
· A desire to share your life with another not out of pity or compulsion but out of love.
· To have a lifetime companion who you can grow old with without looking back with regrets or wishing you shouldn't have married the person.
· Realistic expectations.
· Willingness to help one another fulfill their own needs and dreams without being a burden to one another.

It is important to note that no matter the reasons you had for getting married if you have done it already, you can still make it work, your marriage is what you make it to be, look at the right reasons and start to develop yourself towards using it to make the best of what you have got.

If you are yet to get married this is something you must look at before you take that BOLD STEP.

Why did God create Kids!!!

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, hoping to have one or students... here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"



"Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said. "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!" "No Way!" "Yes way!" "Do NOT eat the fruit" said God.
"Why?" "Because I am your Father and I said so!” God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?” said the Father. "I don't know," said Eve. "She started it!” Adam said. "Did not!” "Did too!” "DID NOT!” Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.


Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in the story! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
Things to think about!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. 6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


Advice for the day: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day. And finally: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "keep away from children"!!!!!

Cocktail For Smile

"My amazing cocktail will not only keep you looking and feeling great, but this delicious mix will have you addicted in no time!!!
Step 1. Cut up all your worries into tiny little pieces, that way, they are easier to deal with and will seem insignificant when handled in small measures

Step 2. Mix together

1) the love of your spouse or significant other

2) the smiles and sticky hugs of your beautiful children

3) the blessings that you are able to wake up each morning and face another day

4) the tenderness you feel when you look at your mum and dad and know that they did the best job they knew how in raising you

Step 3. Add a little sunshine, because no matter how bad you feel, the warmth of the sun on your face is all the medicine you need to make you smile

Step 4. Blend these all together and take a good sip from your cup every time your smile slips just a little, what a marvelous taste and all your ingredients are free...enjoy and overindulge..."

Wise Men Plan

The new year is here again! its a time for thanksgiving and reflection, a time to look positively to the future, make new resolutions, improve your life, set standards and goals e.t.c. Most people make resolutions but by mid January they would have forgotten about it when pressures of all kinds come upon them e.g car break down that will cost lots of money to repair, salary not paid when you need it the most, unplanned medical bills, increase in transport fare and so on. Have you ever realised that January is one of the longest months ever..if you know what i mean.

Our lives are shaped by many different events in life, some good some bad, some are even very difficult to endure but wherever you stand you have to determine to make this year a great one for yourself financially no matter the obstacles before you. Planning will help you enjoy the good times ahead and you will be better equipped to cope with the more challenginging ones. Because you failed last year does not mean you will fail this year also. Winners don't quit and quitters don't win , don't let circumstances and past failures weigh you down for every plan, have a Plan A, B and C so that you will always have something to fall back on.

Financial fortune is as a result of wise and careful planning. The key to securing your financial future is taking many small disciplined steps over a long period of time. its about having a plan and plans require commitment, determination, discipline, consistency and time. Your financial stand can affect every aspect of your life e.g relationship, marriage, lifestyle and standard of living even your perception of yourself. The number one strategy of maintaining a future of financial fortune is to always live within your limit and means per time, refrain from borrowing and entering into debt, always make your money work for you by encouraging regular saving and investment and then develop your talent because every one has it.

No matter how much or how little money you have, no matter how old or young, whether you start from the scratch or you inherited a fortune wise planning will take you to your goal. It is better to suffer now and enjoy later than to be old and retire penniless, a yoruba musician sang a song " igba owuro lawa oba je ale san ni.....je kale ye wa" (we are young now, God let our old age be good).

Please note that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.