5 Things Every Marriage Needs

So we've found our mate and promised to love each other all the days of our lives, ushering in the "live happily ever after" part of the story. But it's not just about the fairy tale. Marriage, like all worthy endeavors, requires sacrifice. Sharing our most intimate selves, living spaces, goals and dreams, involves a hefty commitment. Inevitably, there will be disagreements, difficult compromises, and new responsibilities with each party making mistakes that hurt the other. Cultivating a lasting, loving relationship will take years and will forever be changing. There will be good days and bad days -- however, it's the bad days that really strengthen the bond of marriage, proving to ourselves and our partner that our relationship is worth the work.

What happy couples know

1. Change What You Can, Yourself

The inescapable truth is that no one will ever be 100% of what we are looking for in a mate. When we choose our partner, it is because we have found someone who fits much of what we want and we consider ourselves fortunate to have gotten so close to perfection. But then, in some part of our minds, we think perhaps he/she will change or that perhaps we can help our partner to alter those few things about them that we wish were different. This is most assuredly not going to happen, and the sooner we realize this, the less time and energy we'll waste. As mature adults we have well defined personalities that rarely change much. All we can do is alter how we react to our significant other, along with how we see things, thus appreciating our loved one and accepting him or her, imperfections and all.

2. Compromise is King

When two independent people make the intimate journey required by marriage, there are bound to be mishaps along the way. Interests, habits, lifestyles, comfort zones, sense of humor, etc. all play a part in the grand scheme of compromise necessary to a successful marriage. It's not just us in our lives anymore, a dynamic we must respect and consider with every important decision we make. As a team, we must work on recognizing that it's not about always being "right" but about finding a solution that benefits the relationship.

3. Don't Lose Yourself

When we choose that one person to be with, we can easily feel like that we must share everything with them, and spend most of our time together. While this may seem hopelessly romantic, it is not practical. As individuals, it is important to cherish our individuality and to foster relationships and interests outside of our marriage. That's not to say that we can't enjoy many experiences with our mate, but that we keep a healthy balance between our relationship and our lives outside of our marriage.

4. Healthy Marriages Are Based on Two Whole People

Couples need to be complete in themselves before joining their lives with another if they want any chance for the marriage to succeed. A couple should complement one another, not complete one another, accenting and enhancing each other's lives. Great marriages are created by constant work and devotion towards improving the relationship, as individuals as well as a pair, each with their own unique strengths and weaknesses that make up that special relationship.

5. Your Happiness Must Reside in YOU

Finding happiness in our lives must always come from within and not be reliant on outside sources, and this includes our partner. If we are not being true to ourselves or progressing positively in our lives, we can quickly become unhappy. It is easier to look outside ourselves to explain our unhappiness, or to find a solution to ease our personal discontent. Often, our partners are the first thing we latch on to. After all, they are there to support us in our times of need, right? In this case, wrong. It is up to us to search deep within ourselves to find the goal, lifestyle, and inner strength that creates our happiness, just as it is up to our partners to do the same for themselves.

Intimacy - Men and Women Pespective

Intimacy is the closeness of your relationship with your spouse - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually, and in many other ways. Intimacy is not an end, but rather a journey that lasts throughout your marriage. It can have different meanings for men and women. However, all human beings have the basic need to be intimate and close with another person. Women are often portrayed as having the desire for emotional intimacy, while men are portrayed as only having a desire for sexual intimacy.

Both men and women share the basic need to be intimate with their wives and husbands. However, what this means from both a sexual and emotional standpoint, is somewhat different for men and women. Therefore, typically men and women enter marriage with different beliefs and expectations about giving and receiving affection. Having a basic understanding of such differences is important so that misunderstanding, frustrations, and anger can be avoided.
It's been said that, typically, men give love and commitment in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical affection and sex in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said that men typically hunger for sex, while women hunger for romance. Men initially give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs; while women initially give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.

Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured, before they begin to be aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy. For women, emotional intimacy is at least as important as the act of sexual intercourse. Men often need to be sexually aroused, before they can truly feel and express love. It's through sexual activity that men are emotionally and physically fulfilled. Sexual activity often enables men to become aware of their wives' need for love and emotional support.

Unless partners understand such differences (and others) between men and women, it can be difficult or frustrating for them to find a common ground, so that the emotional and physical desires and needs of both can be fulfilled. Understanding each other's feelings and expectations regarding intimacy (in all its dimensions) and being intimate is the key.

However, intimacy can take many forms, including the following:

Emotional intimacy
This is the closeness created through sharing feelings. Here the couple is able to share personal feelings, to trust one another, and to feel safe and secure with each other. Emotions can be described as strong instinctive feeling.
Women, generally, understand emotions better than men. The first step to emotional awareness is to pay attention to your feelings, identify them, and think of possible reasons for them. Work on noticing the differences between strong emotions, such as terror and fury, and the differences between more subtle emotions such as anxiety, insecurity, and irritation.
Emotional intimacy can occur, once people know what they are feeling, convey those feelings to each other, and express concern and understanding of their feelings to each other.

Mental or intellectual intimacy
Marriage has a cognitive and planning dimension, which includes sharing thoughts about life, making plans together, and discussing goals. It also involves a mutual understanding about all the important issues in your marriage. Setting goals together is one of the ways to further intellectual intimacy. For example, you might set goals to improve your intimacy, etc.

Spiritual intimacy
Marriage has a spiritual and philosophical dimension that includes sharing spiritual and religious attitudes, behaviours, beliefs, and life experiences. This involves sharing religious beliefs and observing religious practices together, such as praying and worship. As you share spiritual experiences, you will become united in your attitudes and goals.

Recreational & Social Intimacy
This is enjoying activities together, like running, walking, or reading. Watching a TV programme, movie or preparing a meal together can be good ways to build recreational intimacy. Marriage has a social dimension in which the partners enjoy doing things together and spending time together.

Financial or monetary intimacy
The fiscal dimension of marriage deals with decisions and actions concerning earning a living and spending money. This comes with discussing and sharing your finances.

Sexual intimacy
Husband and wife share their physical love for each other, by sharing their bodies and physically becoming one. This is one of the most important dimensions of healthy marital intimacy. Healthy sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that both partners are satisfied with, sexual activities both partners enjoy, and an open dialogue about sex.

It is important to note that a major strength for happily married couples is the quality of the sexual relationship.